“If enough of us make small changes in our lives, we will see big changes.”
“Change doesn’t require heroics. Change begins when we practice ordinary courage.”
I learned about this author, Brené Brown, from several people. It’s almost as if I was *supposed* to read her work, but the Universe knew that I didn’t pick up such a book easily (imagine: hands in front of face, palms out, heels digging deep ruts into the dirt beneath me). But after enough signs, I heard. I bought. And I read.
And I thought. I reflected. I connected. I acknowledged. And I learned.
Okay, that’s not exactly the full story. First I bought her two-hour CD: “Men, Women, and Worthiness.” The CD was recorded long after this book was written. And it covered Brown’s interviews with men as well as women. And it was honest. And raw. And real. After listening to the CD (twice), I was ready to sit down and read more. I was intrigued.
I appreciate the depth at which Brown (PhD/LMSW) went to arrive at her working definition of the subject of her book: shame.
“Shame is best defined as the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing we are flawed and therefore unworthy of acceptance and belonging.”
Now, had you said something about that to me a while back, I would not have perked my ears up. I might have changed the subject. I might have quietly excused myself.
—–And that would have perpetuated the problem.
Again, that pesky Universe (I’m spiritual without labels, so name this Universe of which I speak—-this “power” or being—whatever you want. A rose by any other name, and all….)—–anywho…..that Universe knew when to *really* get this book in front of me. That Universe knew when I was open to getting past my struggle just with the word itself
shame
such that I could actually read about what Dr. Brown said and how her topic affects us all. (I have that issue with the oddest of words. (“Estoppel” is one. Goofy, I know.))
While reading this first book of Brown’s on shame, I also read another book, written with broader statements instructing us that we need to “let go.” Brown, though, helps us see what it is that *really* creates roadblocks, speed bumps, and potholes in that path. And she provides tools for navigating that path so that maybe, just maybe, letting go (but connecting!) can be in our grasp.
Ah, so, then, why four stars and not five? Although I do not fault Dr. Brown for writing from her perspective, I do wish she had given a bit more attention to women who are not mothers. Maybe those she interviewed weren’t in that demographic, but if she wanted to cover women as an entire demographic, she should have sought more of those women to provide their insights and stories. (After all, I know more than just a few, eh? 😉 )
The quotes above that I started this with come at the end of her book. They spoke to me. Where is that ordinary courage? It’s in figuring out our web of shame and in learning about being resilient to it. It’s in allowing ourselves to be vulnerable and authentic. It’s in being open not only to seeking the connection but also in being that connection that we all need to allow the vulnerability and authenticity. Dr. Brown’s book discusses all of those things with fantastic support from years of interviews, research, and years studying these areas.
By the way, no, I certainly don’t have the answers after reading this book. But I am more comfortable with the questions. After all, life is a journey. Fortunately, reading this book just gave my compass a tune-up.